‘What do you call a smart TV that can’t connect to the internet?’… ‘SMART!’
‘Unfair fare!’ ‘I don’t want to buy the train; I just want a ticket!’
‘I think we may have taken this ‘simplifying’ life thing a bit too far!’ ‘What do you think?’
‘The voice control system on mine is terrible, what’s yours like?’
Laughter is good for you
Do you know that laughter is good for your health?
Laughter can reduce stress, lower blood pressure, improve mood, and boost immunity. Laughter can also help you bond with others, as it is a form of social communication that shows positive emotions.
Laughter can even make you smarter, as it activates different parts of your brain and enhances creativity and learning.
So, keep laughing and enjoy life!
Smelly farts are not so bad after all
Why do we fart, and why is it funny and embarrassing too?
Farting is a natural and normal part of digestion that reflects the activity of the bacteria in your gut. You might also notice that you fart more when you eat certain foods that are more difficult to digest, such as beans or cabbage.
Farting can also be a sign of good health, as it means that your digestive system is working properly.
Some people may find farting funny or embarrassing, but it is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, some cultures even celebrate farting as a form of humour or art. For example, in Japan, there is a traditional art form called ‘he-gassen, which means ‘fart battle‘. It depicts people farting at each other in various situations, such as war, politics, or even romance, would you believe.
Benefits of a good fart
Scientists have identified the bacterium that’s responsible for making us pass wind. They say it is also helping keep other more harmful and dangerous bacteria, such as salmonella from infecting your gut.
The Taurinivorans muris bacterium converts the food we eat into hydrogen sulphide – as smelly gas that stinks of rotten eggs. yes, you know the one – we’ve all done one! But the amazing thing is it acts a chemical soldier keeping bad bacteria at bay.
So, next time you pass wind – think of all the good it’s doing, even if it does stink a little!
‘UK government lectern advertising space now available!’
‘Party venue closed!’ – Resident DJ has left the building’
‘Nothing to worry about here – everything is just fine and under control!’
Please just carry on and go about your day-to-day business as usual…
Introducing the UK magic message government lectern
‘Have you noticed everytime the government needs to persuade the public that their ‘message’ is so super important – they roll out the magic message lectern”.
Other important messages
And this…
And this one…
The latest government slogan… ‘LONG-TERM DECISIONS FOR A BRIGHTER FUTURE’
Let’s roll out the advertisements to persuade the UK public the government knows best… again.
They convinced me!
Not!
It’s a joke!
The UK government is trying to peruade the public that the recent Sunak climate rollback decision is a good thing… ‘LONG-TERM DECISIONS FOR A BRIGHTER FUTURE’
Who are the kidding?
‘I think I might start again!’
Planning complete, time to go ahead and build it. I can add the finshing touches later.
Shares vs Covid19 stock chart
As the pandemic hit world economies, share prices plunged. But as the ‘fear’ lifted so too did the share prices.
‘Is it OK to use a doggy poo bag blackberry picking?’
The blackberry
Blackberries are a very healthy food, packed with antioxidants that can help prevent cancer and other diseases.
Blackberries can be picked from late summer through to mid-autumn. The earlier ones tend to be better raw, the later good for cooking.
A ripe blackberry is deep black with a plump, full feel. It should come away easily when pulled from the stem.
Blackberries can stain your hands and clothes.
Blackberry tea was used to cure dysentery.
There are two types of blackberries: thorny and thornless. Thorny blackberries have more flavour, but thornless ones are easier to pick.
Blackberries are also known as brambles in Britain.
Bramble is the plant that produces the blackberry.
Blackberries are related to raspberries, strawberries, and roses. They belong to the rose family, Rosaceae.
‘I told you that was a risky investment!’
‘Now, let me tell you the ‘truth’ about climate change!’
‘The economy is a mess – but we still got beer’. ‘What’s economy’?
This is funny!
I asked the ChatGPT drawing tool Dall-E, to help me come up with a suitable birthday image to celebrate 25 years of Google.
My request was, ‘draw a watercolour image of a birthday cake with Google written on it‘. This was refused as the word ‘Google’ was an infringement of copyright law. So, I then asked, ‘draw a watercolour image of a birthday cake with BIG tech written on it…’
This is what I got…
Competitors
Now, now, ChatGPT! – I know you are competitors but…
‘What’s the point of HS2 if there is no one to run it?’ ‘Beats me… guess we’re stuck with it!’
‘Is this the end of the line’?
Yet more strike action continues to create chaos for travellers
Much of the UK will have no train services on Friday 1st Septemebr 2023 as the latest major strike action takes place.
Members of Aslef, the train drivers’ union, who work at more than a dozen train companies, have walked out and have refused to work.
Up to 20,000 RMT union members at 14 operators will also strike on Saturday in a long-running dispute
Meanwhile, a consultation closing most ticket offices in England ends.
Ticket office closures
Unions and disability groups have also taken action against other proposed working practices in the industry, such as ticket office closures.
Currently, nearly 300 stations in England run by train companies with Department for Transport contracts have a full-time staffed ticket office – 708 are staffed part-time. Under the proposals, most would close.
Ongoing dispute
The UK train strikes are part of an ongoing dispute between the rail unions and the train operators over pay and conditions.
- ASLEF members at 16 rail operators will strike again on Friday, 1st September 2023 and Saturday, 2nd September 2023.
- RMT members at 14 train companies will strike again on 2nd September 2023. This will severely affect the timetables.
Pay dispute and working practices
The rail unions are demanding a pay rise that reflects the rising cost of living, as well as job security and improved working conditions. The train operators say they need to make changes to the ways of working in order to save money and improve efficiency, especially after the pandemic hit their finances hard.
The Rail Delivery Group, which represents the train operators, has offered a 5% pay rise for 2022, but the unions have rejected it as insufficient and conditional on reforms they oppose.
The train strikes have caused significant disruption and frustration for millions of passengers, especially during the peak summer holiday season. The government has urged both sides to resume talks and find a resolution
‘Take me to your leader. Err… we don’t really have one’!
STOP PRESS! Bank to pay failed boss 2.4 million. Why?
‘It’s good to talk’!
The former boss of NatWest is set to receive a £2.4m pay package this year, despite having quit in disgrace over her handling of the closure of Nigel Farage’s bank account.
A contractual obligation no doubt?
Whatever happened to confidentiality?
‘Money can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.’
Spike Milligan 1918 – 2002
Spike Milligan was a famous Irish comedian, writer, musician, poet, playwright and actor famously known for writing the hit radio programme, ‘The Goon Show’.
‘I told you I was ill’.
The inscription ‘I told you I was ill’ is the famous epitaph of Spike Milligan.
He died in 2002 at the age of 83. He had once joked that he wanted this phrase to be on his headstone, but the local diocese did not approve of it in English. So he had to write it in Gaelic, which is ‘Duirt me leat go raibh me breoite’.
‘How many more times must I tell you – I’m not a banker!’
‘Room 101’
Room 101 phrase origin
The phrase ‘Room 101’ comes from George Orwell’s dystopian novel Nineteen Eighty-Four, published in 1949.
In the novel, Room 101 is a torture chamber where prisoners are subjected to their worst fears and nightmares. The name of the room was supposedly inspired by a conference room at the BBC Broadcasting House, where Orwell used to work and attend ‘boring‘ meetings.
Cutural reference
Room 101 has become a popular cultural reference, especially in the UK, where it is used to describe something that is ‘undesirable’ and to be ‘locked away’.
There is also a BBC comedy television series called Room 101, where celebrities are invited to discuss their pet hates and persuade the host to consign them to oblivion in Room 101.
So, now you know.
‘Sorry Mr. ‘Fragile’, but I’m afraid your account is closed, as we simply just don’t like you!’
‘Everything is fine, nothing to see here!’
Dream or reality – did this really happen?
The party-gate scandal lead to SERVING members of the UK government being fined, including the then prime minster (since sacked by the party) – and the then chancellor of the exchequer (now our serving prime minister).
You really can’t make this stuff up.
‘What the hell just happened?’
‘One minute I’m in work and the next…?’ ‘Is this AI again?’
The day the blue bird flew away – Twitter rebrands as X – Taking Stock